A Mirror Never Lies

A mirror never lies
It only shows the truth.
And those eyes which so compelled me 
now fall short of all their youth.

And your lips?
How sweet did they feel
pressed upon my skin..
But now they're cracked and broken
they look too thin..

Are you sick?
Are you hurt?
Whatever could I do?
You'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb 
not to see how I care for you.

But, if this mirror were to show all
and for the worlds innocence- I hope it does not
One would see your broken soul
weeping heart, cold emotionless knot.

For I've gazed into that hole 
the one you hold inside yourself.
I've seen your tight emotions,
kept on a dark, dusty shelf.

My heart screams to yours, "I love you!
Did I not come when you cried out!?!
Was I not kind? My heart, 
did I not throw about?!?

But my love you wear a mask 
and I beg you, take it off.
But to the world you never would
and I guess I'm not enough- I'm too soft. 

And now my own heart weeps 
that I could not be more .
But still I stand here waiting,
taking the teasing moments- and much more.

Is it so hard to imagine?!
With that shattered mind of yours??
When intoxicated, you love me
your vice opens your doors.

But then the sun rises 
doors close, walls spring up.
And I sit here an Aries,
a hopeless romantic, my gaze turns up.

So look hard into this mirror 
tell me what you see.
And if you see the bleeding heart behind you,
don't be surprised to find it's me




-Jessica Carpenter- 

Missing You

I miss you like the frozen ground misses the kiss of the suns fiery lips. 
You sparked such a blaze in my soul- I knew neither before nor since. 
Fate allowed a meeting of such grand accord to progress-
But now you're so far away, my longing for my beloved friend, I confess. 
Come back to me please, I miss your crude jokes
I miss the way your smile, my laughter, did it provoke. 
I find a new haunt tonight, the memories I did store
And I sit here writing you a poem, hoping you know my heart springs sore.

-Jessica Carpenter- 

Something

Somethings beneath the surface- something I can not see.
Something thats threatening to tear apart you and me.
Something is stirring deep down inside, it needs to be let out- it seeks to be alive.
This something has teeth, fangs, and even claws..
This something is haunting- stalking my memories halls.
This somethings always plagued some small part of my mind
This something is attacking- we've run out of time.

-Jessica Carpenter-

Please

It's a long story of tearful nights, of brutal beatings, or cold flights.
But alas we're not here to trouble over the past, it's turbulence we choose to fast-
We're here to discuss a matter of hearts that takes us beyond the boundaries of lust.
Although I must confess, I am a bit twisted, my shady mouth full of snakes- I mislead.
I'm sorry to those of you tonight who do not wish to read this, who do not care for the sight.
My stomach grows weak at the thought of what could have been?? I'm sorry my love, I should have seen it then.
Please, don't leave. I beg of you, stay. I could not bare the thought of my heart ripped away.
I fall, I make mistakes, I fuck up and I am ashamed, but I am after all human, and I don't now know what to say.
A little bruised, a little worn, a little cursed, a little torn. I'm a pathetic excuse for a cause, but please don't be blinded by my flaws.
I was inconsiderate, I showed no restraint, I ruined any chances, I made a fatal mistake.
But for the hope of the lost, please show me some grace, let me make up for my short comings- eat all my mistakes.
It may be too forward, but I wish I could be held, within your arms I never knew, within a love I never held.

-Jessica Carpenter-

Burn In Hell

You were the one to command the massacre of soul,
Amongst the screams and darkness I was able to remain whole.
My virginity, my heart- those precious jewels you stole
Your vicious blows have just now stopped taking their toll.
And my friend I can not tell you, what the future does hold,
But I hope you burn in hell, I hope you burn burn burn. Blacker than the darkest coal.

-Jessica Carpenter-

Don't Act Like I'm Your Angel.

It started-the familiar pain just inside the rib cage of my soul.
Right in the center of my being, where I hold most everything-anything, dear.
Time after time I've felt this, you'd think the crushing depths would be second nature..
But they're still as foreign to me as the moon I now look upon and ponder.
I ponder many things- life, love, purpose
But the one thing I deny my heart tonight, is the one thing that history shows me I'm magnetic to.

Fuck it. I allow the memories to come crushing inside, to feel the pain at it's maximized point, like a stake piercing me slowly.
My jaw slacks just enough to draw in a slow, deep breath, as if to breath through the pain. Or so my yoga instructor preaches.
This always happens, and I know I sound pathetic. Even a bit whiny- self centered, shallow, blind. But it's my plague.
I love and I lose. It's this vicious cycle of disgusting repetitiveness.
"Is it too much to ask?" But apparently it is, because the walls that I talk to, can't seem to let anyone in..

-Jessica Carpenter-

The Fates Have A Fickle Way About Them.

The trees stood like melted candles-
Like an old mans fragile hands, bubbled & warped.
The warm sun blazed up above
A gentle breeze giving me a blissful, bittersweet relief- reminding me I'm only human.
I felt as though there were three pairs of hands, guiding my feet, heart and mind.

I've debated this decision for awhile,
As it was- a crossroad, however cliché.
I could follow the freeway that would give me a set, splendid life,
Or follow the game trail, not quite a path meant for silk slippers.
Obviously, I'm more adventurous, maybe more so than for my own good.. ..

My eye gazed heaven bound, as I looked at the brick, marble, and glass that would harness the power of my comply.
"I'm a selfish creature" I say with a half-wit smile.
I stride forward, gracefully entering my coronation, my creation.

Though I must confess-
After many sleepless nights, and even more wrinkled brows-
I'm embarking on this survey, although I'm sure the wilderness- wildness of that path has taken me, and now taunts me.

So I sit here thinking of an internal war that was waged and won
And with the sweat of anticipation I finally realize,
this is my road, just for me.. ..

The One Shared eye twinkles with grace
my decision inside has been made,
Its the world that I want, and will forever chase.

-Jessica Carpenter-

Hitlers First Photograph

And who's this little fellow in his itty-bitty robe?
That's tiny baby Adolf, the Hitlers little boy!
Will he grow up to be an LL.D.?
Or a tenor in Vienna's Opera House?
Whose teensy hand is this, whose little ear and eye and nose?
Whose tummy full of milk, we just don't know: 

printer's, doctor's, merchant's, priest's?
Where will those tootsy-wootsies finally wander?
To garden, to school, to an office, to a bride,
maybe to the Burgermeister's daughter?

Precious little angel, mommy's sunshine, honeybun,
while he was being born a year ago,
there was no dearth of signs on the earth and in the sky:
spring sun, geraniums in windows,
the organ-grinder's music in the yard,
a lucky fortune wrapped in rosy paper,
then just before the labor his mother's fateful dream:
a dove seen in dream means joyful news,
if it is caught, a long-awaited guest will come.
Knock knock, who's there, it's Adolf's heartchen knocking.

A little pacifier, diaper, rattle, bib,
our bouncing boy, thank God and knock on wood, is well,
looks just like his folks, like a kitten in a basket,
like the tots in every other family album.
Shush, let's not start crying, sugar,
the camera will click from under that black hood.

The Klinger Atelier, Grabenstrasse, Braunau,
and Braunau is small but worthy town,
honest businesses, obliging neighbors,
smell of yeast dough, of gray soap.
No one hears howling dogs, or fate's footsteps.
A history teacher loosens his collar
and yawns over homework.

--- Stanislaw Baranczak and
Clare Cavenagh, translators
from The People on the Bridge

This poem by Wislawa Szymborska is one of my favorite poems by her. She won the noble prize in 1996 for Literature. In this chilling poem, we are not only able to see her life experiences (she lived through WWII) but also her poetic genius. My favorite line of this poem is "No one hears howling dogs, or fates footsteps, A history teacher loosens his collar and yawns over his homework." This is such a chilling reminder that we never know what the future holds. She represents this in her example that Adolf Hitler was once a child, just like we were, and yet he turned out to be one of the most menacing human beings in all of humanities history.

I first came across this poem, and Szymborska as a poet, in my Introduction to Literature 170 class. I have been enthralled in Szymborska's poems ever since. Sadly, this wonderful poet died in February of this year. Still she left a legacy of poems that will forever show who she was, and what she had been through. This is one of my all time favorite poems by her, and just in general.

ACT Testing

We stood there, the lot of us like zombies
A horde, we waited for the moment.
My hair putrid with the smell of a spent night too selfish
The words were spoken "come"
And with that we showered our brains across the 1970s decor.

-Jessica Carpenter-

Hope you never catch me.

If I put the gun to my head
And asked you to pull the trigger,
Could you?
If I chased all my dreams
and asked you to be the one to reap them,
Would you?
If I tell you that I love you
But that you were never to love me too
Should you?
If I cried that the highest always fall the hardest
and screamed towards the earth,
Hope you pulled the trigger,
Hope you reaped my dreams,
and hope you never loved me
because in the end I'm the skyline and you'll never catch me when I fall.

-Jessica Carpenter-

What we had

I'd give my heart to the wolves, march down straight to the mouth of hell,
Do anything and everything, to make what we have well..

-Jessica Carpenter-

That Spiritual Snapping, ya know??

I've been beaten-
I've been bruised,
Been betrayed
and over used.
Been smashed in the ground
But that's not breaking news.

I've been shaken
I've been slapped
I've been yelled at
Felt like crap
But it hurts more than ever
When you feel your spirit snap.

Forgive me,
Forget me,
Free me
Please heal me.
And in that soul shattering moment
You whisper, "Just kill me."

-Jessica Carpenter-

Cello Song

Dead glancing eyes will become of the ones who have raped out our hearts for carnal knowledge of our minds
Slithering snakes they feed on our humanity, to the brink of death, we are damned for a vengeance ever denied.
Criers of blood, momentous lovers of affairs with temptation- betrayal.
Hear my words ring of a sudden deadly truth to have a lasting impact on the worlds virgin ears!
I will lance out the heart of the beast undefined by time or words,
I will become the whore, your heart, ever moaning for peace.
I will become the one who consumes your soul for the mere and humble fact that I am taken by the way you play play evil- as if it were a dinner cello song with cords made of shattered hearts..

-Jessica Carpenter-

Just Jess.

Inside I hold a power
Curses be my skies
Or let Love soothe-
Fate never gave me a reason why.
My crystal tears do fall
For such painful memories,
A bloody corpse was burned
With no apologizes.
Rigid do I grow
Standing to face the wind,
Ever so beating
I'll never let him in.
Pain waters my soul
The oozing poison comes
I pray to the gods "relief!"
Of never which it comes.
Tired I keep walking
Amongst the desert sand
My ruby heart falls to ash-
Sweetness never made so bland.
Sour to the tongue,
Scorching to the eye
This poem you now read
Be my heart minimized.

-Jessica Carpenter-

Lyrical Ponders of a Rebuilding Life

It's like I lost myself for a year or so. I gave up trying, or even giving a shit.
Turned my back, and now I've turned back around to find havoc raging around me.
I lost sign, focus, and a drive to be what my full potential will allow. And now that I've faced what I let down, it's taking me everything to raise it up again.
I'm back to who I was, but my situation is now more dire.
I'm changing for the better, but that doesn't mean there won't be blood.

-Jessica Carpenter-

Tree Branches.

There once was a bird
who sat on a branch
The branch of a tree-
Just imagine that!

The bird did hop higher
Till the wind came around
And from the branch fell the bird
Down, down, down

It smashed on the ground
wrenching in two
it's guts spilled on the leaves
A panic did there ensue

"Why?" Asked the deer
"Why would he jump?
Could he not see from the branch?
He was too far up!"

Along came the white owl
wise and fat
And he gave them their answer
just answered with fact

"There is a great lesson
Here to be learned
It's about what you're told
And more important-
what you heard."

"This little bird,
a song bird no doubt
Was high in the tree
when he fell all the way down."

"From the day he was born,
He was told not to fly,
And with no knowledge of wings,
Fell with grace from the sky."

"But in that deep moment
The air rushing past
He felt grace and poise,
He could breathe his last."

"He found it more pleasurable
To die in the act
To give all you got,
And never look back."

-Jessica Carpenter-

Holy War

I've lost my faith in these religious battles, lost my god in this holy war.
The darkness comes; a mighty gale and the lioness harnesses her roar.
This blood shed is one that pierces my soul- but is it a gate to heavens hidden passage?
Could enlightenment be found in the cruelty of the beast?
But when you've seen what I have seen, prayers fall shattered at my feet.
I can no longer take the virtues, the gods trident doest spear my wild wind, tames my tendencies, deceives my foreseeing dream.
Forgive me my never begotten son, your mothers truth is half swollen with pride, and shame for the darker side of me.. ..
For now I'm free.

-Jessica Carpenter-

I once made out with Medusa

I once made out with Medusa
I guess I should have known
I'd look into her eyes
my heart would become stone.

A reapers cape I wear
oh my god!
Hear the beat of my heart drop;
The lies I've told!

Scream with me
Children of pain
I'm here if you need me
Medusa, I'm insane.

Your beauty
holds no compare
to this stone cold pulse
I'm to bare!

Government, fuck yourself!
Military, too!
I choose a state of nature
in which I rule you!

I once made out with Medusa
I guess I should have known
I'd look into her heart
and there I'd find my home..

-Jessica Carpenter-

CENSORED

Penis brittle
A fuckabaloo
Bitch stuffed pastries-
How do you do?
Shit flavored pies,
cakes, and cookies.
Cupcakes of cum-
Cock flavored gum.
Turds on truffles with
Chocolate and piss.
Whore covered muffins
with coconut mist.
Cunt filled doughnuts
Line the shelves,
Candy ropes of pussy
have hung themselves.
Little schlampen scones
Sprinkled with doom,
Lollipoped Assholes
Not sure from whom..
This is the world,
A sweet shop morphed
Be cautious you bitches,
It's the truth I just dwarfed.

:O

-Jessica Carpenter-

Smashing Tears

I don't have any words,
That could or should be heard.
I don't have any sashes,
As to seal my seeping gashes.
I've been wounded, bruised dragged and torn,
Outlasting these trials, I've become the scorned.
My heart is that of cemetery headstones,
My soul, lay scattered, and in the dark, all alone. 
My fortress walls are too tall and too stout,
This love is like a winters drought.
I wish I could have told you, dear,
Just to wait, just to wait long enough to hear!!
The splitting sound in the night,
the sound residing just outside your sight.
But I heard the shattering ringing loud and clear,
It's the smashing of my falling tears..

-Jessica Carpenter- 

-sometimes, my heart seems to be just crying to be broken-

Real Life Mess Maker

I'm a survivor, won't mean the battle doesn't come without scars.
I'm a brave soul, but never think I don't see and wish upon shooting stars.
I'm an artist, just make sure you remember that I started with a blank slate,
But most of all, remember me human, and that humans make mistakes..

-Jessica Carpenter-

Just Another Bad Day

I dwelt in bowels of evil for so long
I've kissed the lips of death, be it incredibly wrong
I've scaled the walls of hate, so tall and strong
I'll be the one to break, now play my sweet sorrowed song

I took the scissors from the three of fate
To make these scars on my wrists of pure unbridled hate
I'm the artist in the world, full of a darkened taint
and the help you sent was much much too late

I smile as I fall back into the lake
What a ripple was made, and left in my wake
My lungs fill with water as I start to think
I'm sorry dear would, the pain I could not longer take.. ..

-Jessica Carpenter-

Depression to end the ages.

I've decided that since this life has no place for me, I'll make a world all my own, from inside this inter darkness in which I reside.
It'll be a place where pain is controlled, not controlling and where love is as scarce as the blue moon that shines on my broken reality.
I've decided I'll become the insane, because only I know what you don't see and that sight will give me misery.
I see the horror that lurks behind the masks, and the nails that will seal my casket.
So now I know, I'm to be alone, because my heart was too mine for the world, it ate it up, and shat it out just to leave me clad in an eternal turmoil that begs for the sweet bliss of sleep, maybe even death.
But my crazed mind can not distinguish the line between life and death, love and hate, talent and curse.
Therefore I'm but a wretch, a whore, a wraith to carve this earth raw with my shrieking and angelic tears, for I am the star crossed lover who died for the love of my soul.

-Jessica Carpenter-

Kunst

Art has no definition,
and it shows no restrain,
but it has the timeless beautiful ability to consume a most dark; ugly emotion-
Pain.

-Jessica Carpenter-

Das Ende

It's odd feeling
with the moon hanging over your head
You feel the predator stalk
As you walk among the dead.
Your pulse begins to race,
Your suddenly filled with dread
Your stride starts to lengthen
and the silent words are said.. ..
This is the end

-Jessica Carpenter-

A Viking Mindset in a Modern World

Angelic tears of acidic rain, wash into my face and eat through my brain.

This war waged, won't be a war lost, I'll fight forever, at all costs.

I'll scream for love, run for anger, fight with rage, against your defiled nature.

Another lost soul, a shrieking soiled whore, I'll take you down, like a bloated corpse upon a shore.

I'll feast upon your heart, play golf with your eyes, bake myself your tongue, purge out your lies.

You're the bile in my throat, the ringing in my ears, the perverted dreams that haunt the child's broken fears.

It's time for your burial, a straight smooth shot to hell, and if God be it willed, there with you I'll sail.

I'm not afraid to die, I'll take this to the end, the battle you provoked, is a battle I shall win.

-Jessica Carpenter-

The Forgotten Little Soul

Father time will not turn back the clock
And now you realize you're here to knock

The grim reapers door swings open to you,
It's too late to turn back and see all the missed clues.

You had a great life that now haunts you
Your unachieved dreams now taunt you

It's too late to look back and wish
If only you had done something like 'this'

Father time tells you you're wasting
No time to look back, be hasty

You made your decision when you put that gun to your head
I bet you never thought death would be this cold unforgiving bed.

I'm sorry you searched not for the right things
I pity you now for you're broken wings

But you made the decision to die
Now it's time to say your last and final good bye.

The world you once knew lay behind you
The new one stretched out just before you

Pinch yourself; blink, it'll never be changed
A better fight you might have waged.. ..

If you had known the end was so final
Wouldn't you have given it just one more trial?

If you had known your final breath was coming soon
Why didn't your soul give one last bloom?

But that's the gift of death : everlasting
It's something in our life worth fasting

Find the sun on your face and turn your back on the shadows
For it's a lonely road of death you walk, beware of your gallows.

-Jessica Carpenter-

^ The lost lonely souls that have committed suicide, I'm sorry. I feel for these souls because every human mind in my opinion, has potential, and for these souls to feel so low that they must end that life just to rid themselves of the pain in a horrible thing. This poem is for those who have lost their lives to the unforgiving pain.

The Snow Queen

Beautiful Nightshade,
Deathly lethal and cold.
The mighty winter woman,
her bitter winds she throws.

Eyes black as ice,
Soul the same dark shade.
She claims the faint of heart,
She lurks beyond the grave.

She was a gorgeous woman once,
in the time which she was bore.
She longed for love,
and nothing more.

She met the one to keep her,
and love her till the end.
Little did she know her lover,
would be her tragic end.

They walked against the garden wall,
on that cold winters eve.
The bite of a cold wind blew,
no one heard her scream.

They found her body in the snow,
her skin was icy cold,
and her eyes showed such a horror,
no mortal should ever know.

She watched them burn her body,
she vowed to on that day,
take all those that she could
in the exact same way.

Her hair is the branches iced
Her smile is the sovereign sun
Her hands glide across the road,
waiting for that special one.

Some will be too stubborn,
maybe drive a bit too fast,
then she'll send her minions,
luring her prey into a cold, eternal trap.

The howling wind her laughter,
as she claims another life,
because her heart is cold and lonely,
her soul is made of ice.

Although she is the Snow Queen,
her heart is burnt with pain,
and she's waiting for you just outside,
to play her sick cruel game.

Most will best her tricks,
she respects those who are smart,
but she'll never stop the devour,
of her diet: human hearts.

-Jessica Carpenter-

I was inspired to right this poem this morning on my way to school driving through the dangerous snow. I <3 it. The winter just reminds me so heavily of a woman, turned evil because of acts of aggression toward her. Her broken soul, like the winter scorned and hated, just longs for peace and rest, but finds what ever joy it can sucking human souls into her cold, deadly, white essence.

For a lost lover.. ..

With a curious soul, born of the wind
I sit here stirring now and again,
I think I've found it,
I could be wrong,
If that be the case,
I'll know before long.
My tracks have been lain,
My lies have been told
My heart bares a mane
wild and bold.
I care not to hold back
I show not my real face
This mask I do wear
Molds my emotions in place.
But alas I'm too stubborn,
you've besieged me,
and these words you now read
are testament to 'we'
I can say that I love you
that's not a lie
But to tell you I need to have you
With no reason why.. .. ..
It's cold and unyielding
just like the wind
A creative soul I do have
But now it's farewell that I bid
You owe more no tears,
I've by now shed mine
Just promise me one thing,
You'll always be kind.
Don't close up your soul
It's a beautiful thing.
You have the love, heart, and mind.
And this for you, is only the beginning.
Please do not argue,
I've always known my fate
I'm here to be lonely
And I've accepted this of late
Just please never forget
the kindness I've shown
for most it's a side of me,
Never known.
I love you my dear,
And with one parting wish
I wish you long life
And that you find that one special miss.

-Jessica Carpenter-

This poem is a bittersweet feeling for me. It marks the dying end of a loving relationship, but the birth of a new beginning for both me and a man I loved. It holds a special place in my heart.

Untitled, unnamed, unwritten.

It's a weird place being here, between love and hate.
It's a eerie feeling knowing you'll be the demise foreseen in my fate.
It's a cretins game I'm playing, to try to be your one.
It's a lovers smile I wear, but my sneer is not for some.
It's a skillful craft I wield to bring in harmful hearts.
And it was a bloody glaze I took, just to watch you fall apart.

-Jessica Carpenter

This poem was more of a self reflection. It was me looking at myself as if I were two people.  One Lover and one hater, it's from the hating point of view. Part of the poem is almost a mocking of the loving half, and then towards the end I used the classic Mind vs Heart personified by the Hater and Lover where the Mind/Hater tries to take over to keep the Heart/Lover from breaking but ends up breaking them anyway.
Harder to interpret, this is one of my favorites.

To be whole.. ..

My heart is cold
My soul is weary
I've walked for so long
Just to be defeated in my blind fury
I've cried these desert lands rivers
Drown myself just off shore
Always looking, hoping, praying
For something so much more.
Slowly I will my eyes closed
But this dream has no end
A nightmare I must now walk
With not where to blend.
Just when I feel I've won
I've beaten life at it's wicked game
I'm smashed down again
I do good to remember my name.
Once I dreamt I was a dove
Beautiful in all ways
Then my feathers did it pluck
and now I lay here naked, cold.. ..
To these never ending days!
I love for peace and rest!
For my weary broken soul
What ever was I thinking?
To think I could be whole.

-Jessica Carpenter


^ This poem was the inspiration behind my blog. So it felt only right to have it be the first post to be posted!